It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize