New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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