If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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