Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
