They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
