need another drink. this is the easiest way
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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