exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm gonna fight the coyote
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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