She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
