You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
