It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
