If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
