Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
