Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
