It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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