I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize