Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
