apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
