where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
