Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
