He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
then he tried to convert me to islam
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Panties = found
Randomize
