May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
