Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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