Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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