So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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