He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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