I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
