i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
