I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
