She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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