Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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