when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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