i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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