Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
