i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
