yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
