There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
