she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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