I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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