rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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