Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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