i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
