He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize