You're completely useless in the revolution.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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