I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
