My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
