so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
