I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
