worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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