I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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