i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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