you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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