ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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