I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
