sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize