What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
