I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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