Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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