I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
