i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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