I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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