During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
