Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
