they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
