he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
