just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize
