Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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