There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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