I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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