I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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