I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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