i just made my gag reflex go away.
the day after is always just damage control
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
