Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
