I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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