Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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