All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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