Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
