I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
