that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
