k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
