Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
