I heard we made out
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
