White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize