we have pet lesbian snakes
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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