those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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