Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
