Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize