i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
