he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
