you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
