A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
