Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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