This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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