Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
stop calling my apartment porn island.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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