i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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