cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
