I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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