A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When are your genitals available?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
