so let's talk penis.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
