I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
