okay pat passed out under dana's car
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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