Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
