If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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